I am Malayan race muslim woman, born in Central Java region Indonesia. I am long life learner who always questioning everything. Although I am born muslim, I feel muslim scholar around me unable to answer my basic question regarding muslim, such as why we must pray 5 times a day, why the aurat of man indifferent with woman, why muslim demand foodstall to closed during noon in Ramadhan, etc. With the additional muslim Indonesia in general behaving of majority entitlement after the fall of Soeharto regime. I feel disconnected with muslim. Why muslim forbid A,B,C,D and demanding A,B,C,D. Therefore, I was doing soul-searching to find the essence of my existence in this universe/multiverse, about the creator of this entire realms, religion, etc. I am continuously learning Hindus, Budhist, Confucious, Christian, and Islam.
My disconnection with God and religion made me chasing dunnya and life in hedonic life. I am chasing career over soul fulfillment. I was worshipping money, career, and social degree. After God punishment me with career flop followed by fraudulent acquaintance. I lost of all money. I feel lost and there is no reason for me to keep live. Then my brain tells me to try searching the meaning of my life. Why I shall life. This is the turning point, that I shall back to the essence of life. Do I exist for no reason? It is impossible if I am existing for no reason. I never believe that God not exist. Because nothing exists without the reason. And nothing can exist without nothing. So there absolutely something that make something exist. And why God is only one. To digest this question, we shall dig the reason why God exist. If we refer to the characteristic why there is an entity that control everything. It shall be omnipresent, omniscience, omnipotent. Those characteristics will be impossible it there is the same entity with the same characteristic live side by side. Because it would have been a feud among or between those so-called Omni entities.
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